just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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