sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
