I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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