Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
