Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
