we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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