my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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