I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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