Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
