Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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