: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
