this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
