The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
