Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
