my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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