if you like me you must not know who I am
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
