He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
