she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
