You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
