she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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