Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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