I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
