people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
