I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
