It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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