That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
