I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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