i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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