Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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