i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
