she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
