Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
