just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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