I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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