Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
