Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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