bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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