Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
