Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
