'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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