I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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