i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
