Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
