why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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