I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
