If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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