yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
