so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
