You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
