no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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